Stop the Telephone Game: Why Real Leaders Don't Enter the He Said She Said Trap

The Cost of Immature Leadership

Let’s be honest. “He said, she said” is playground behavior, not leadership. Yet far too often, we see people in positions of power reverting to immature tactics: whispering in corners, stirring the pot with separate side conversations, and playing messenger in a never-ending cycle of miscommunication. This type of fragmented leadership does not just create confusion, it weakens teams, damages culture, and undermines trust.

True leadership is not about controlling the narrative behind closed doors. It is about addressing the situation openly, directly, and professionally, even when the conversation is uncomfortable. Especially then.

Why the Telephone Game Never Works

Many leaders believe they are doing the right thing by speaking to individuals separately to hear all sides. While the intention may be good, the method is flawed. When leaders do not bring everyone together, they inadvertently set the stage for assumptions, misinformation, and drama. What begins as a small issue quickly spirals out of control because each version of the story sounds a little different depending on who tells it. It becomes the professional version of the telephone game, distorted, exaggerated, and unproductive.

Over time, this behavior erodes the culture and creates an environment where people feel they need to watch their backs instead of focus on their work.

The Impact on Trust, Morale, and Productivity

When leadership indulges in side conversations and backchannel messaging, it forces employees into a survival mindset. The result? People start looking over their shoulders. They second-guess their peers. They side-eye the very colleagues they should be collaborating with. Suspicion takes the place of synergy, and team members begin to operate in silos out of self-preservation.

What toxic leaders fail to understand is that when you build a workplace on distrust, it is only a matter of time before everything starts to crumble. Productivity slows down. Morale drops. People stop giving their best because they are too busy protecting themselves. And worst of all, when your team is constantly guarding their own backs, they will not be able to have yours.

What Real Leaders Do Differently

Real leaders refuse to play the he said she said game. Instead, they bring all necessary parties to the table for a respectful, solution-oriented conversation. They understand that avoiding discomfort does not resolve conflict, it prolongs it. True leadership is about facilitating clarity, not confusion. It is about restoring alignment, not reinforcing separation.

When everyone is in the room, egos are set aside, assumptions are addressed head-on, and truth becomes the foundation for progress. This kind of open dialogue is how trust is built, how issues are resolved, and how cultures evolve. Real conversations may not always be easy, but they are necessary to maintain momentum and uphold integrity across the organization.

Solution-Oriented Communication Is Non-Negotiable

In high-functioning organizations, communication is not optional. It is non-negotiable. Real conversations lead to real understanding, and real understanding leads to real progress. Leaders who are serious about results know that cohesion is more important than comfort. They prioritize resolution over reputation. They understand that silence and avoidance are just as harmful as outright dishonesty.

When you sit down with your team, invite truth into the room. Set the expectation that this is not about blame. It is about accountability. It is not about who is right. It is about what is right for the team, the mission, and the greater good of the organization.

Create a Culture That Prioritizes Clarity and Respect

By modeling direct, respectful communication, leaders set the tone for the rest of the team. It tells people, "We handle things like adults here. We speak to each other, not about each other." This message reverberates throughout the culture and builds an environment where people feel safe, valued, and empowered to contribute their best.

And when that happens, magic follows. Innovation increases. Collaboration deepens. The entire organization begins to function like a well-oiled machine because everyone is on the same page and working toward the same goal.

Final Thoughts: Grow Up and Lead

Yes, the conversations may be awkward. Yes, it may be uncomfortable to address the elephant in the room. But leadership is not about being comfortable. It is about being courageous. It is about facing hard things head-on with maturity, humility, and a commitment to progress.

So the next time you are tempted to engage in the he said she said trap, pause and ask yourself:

Am I leading or am I enabling dysfunction?

Choose to lead. Call the meeting. Start the conversation. Set the tone. Because real leaders do not gossip. They gather, guide, and grow.

And that is how you build a workforce that has your back, because you built a culture where they no longer have to guard theirs.